No More Secrets
by Meg0613
Summary: Set around the events of Know It All. Olivia and Rafael are navigating their changing relationship when his secret is revealed. (Can be read as a follow up to my story an Unusual Courtship or alone).


No More Secrets

A/N Set around the events of Know It All (OMG what an episode) this story follows my story An Unusual Courtship, if you haven't read it after Olivia and Tucker breakup Rafael becomes more apart of Olivia and Noah's lives. They have realized that they are more than friends but are taking their relationship slowly.

 _Saturday Evening_

Olivia picked up the buzzing phone from her desk, she smiled when she saw Barba's name flash across the screen, before answering she looked up to make sure her office door was closed.

"Hi" She answered feeling a bit ridiculous at the butterflies she felt in her stomach, she was sitting at work a horrific case to solve but knowing his voice was going to be on the other end of that call filled her with anticipation.

"Hi yourself, how is the current hero of Manhattan?" He asked her obvious pride in his voice.

Olivia sighed, "A bit unsettled at the moment, "you have time for a drink?"

"Always, give me half an hour?" he asked.

Olivia smiled the prospect of seeing him overshadowing her worries about the case. "See you then," she paused, "I've missed you."

"Trust me the feeling is mutual. Now let me finish up so I can see you." He told her before hanging up the phone.

Thirty minutes later Olivia spotted Rafael waiting for her outside of Forlini's he was of course looking at his phone undoubtedly working on something he had left undone at the office.

"You waiting for someone?" She teased walking up next to him.

He looked up from his phone glancing her up and down without speaking took her hand and pulled her to the semi-private alley next to the restaurant. Glancing back making sure they had a moment of privacy he placed one hand on her hip and the other on the side of the side of her face pulling her in for a soft, slow kiss, pulling on her bottom lip ever so slightly which he had recently learned drove her a crazy. When he heard a soft moan escape her he smiled and released her. He pulled back and looked at her and she made no effort to hide the desire in her eyes.

"Is that the only reason you've missed me Lieutenant?" He teased.

Olivia bit down on the lip that he had been teasing moments before and gave a slight shrug, "No, but it definitely is a contributing factor." She told him before placing a searing kiss on his mouth causing him to moan this time.

"We should probably go inside." He stammered remembering that they were only in a semi-private location and that they were also committed to taking things slowly. Olivia nodded wiping her finger across his lip removing the traces of her lipstick smiling when she felt his hand tighten around her hip.

"Sure you want to go inside." She teased.

Barba stepped closer to her causing her to back slightly into the wall, his voice low and full of desire when he whispered, "I have no intention of doing what comes next in an alley." Olivia felt her entire body flush as he stepped away puling her hand slightly forcing her back to the street.

"Now, tell me what has you feeling unsettled?" He asked as they made their way into the bar.

 _Sunday Morning_

Olivia woke up Sunday morning doing her best to put the frustrations of the previous evening aside. She had no doubt that Willard had gotten to their expert somehow but they had no proof. It was tempting to work straight through the weekend but she knew that everyone would be better Monday after a day off and she was looking forward to her day with Noah and Rafael. She had just gotten out of the shower and finished getting dressed when she heard the bell ring. Rafael was waiting on the other side with their customary Sunday morning donuts and coffee.

"Rafi!" Noah yelled running to the front door when her heard the bell, "Donuts!"

"Buenos Dias, Amigo." Rafael greeted the preschooler handing the coffee and donuts to Liv so that he could pick Noah up in a tight hug. He carried him to the table and placed him in the chair where Oliva had placed Noah's donut and a cup of milk. "Let me talk to Mommy while you start your donut and I'll be right back."

Olivia nodded her head towards the hallway for Rafael to follow her so they could talk out of Noah's earshot. He was worried about her after things fell apart with the evidence against Willard last night.

"You all right?" He asked her concern on his face.

Olivia shook her head, "No, I'm very frustrated and want to nail this guy, but today I need to just be Mommy."

Rafael nodded in understanding and pulled her in for a hug gently rubbing her back, "Just remember that I am here for you." He slowly let her go stopping to twirl a lock of her still wet hair around his finger. Olivia blushed slightly it was the first time he had seen her like that.

"I should go dry it and finish getting ready." She said nervously.

Rafael shook his head, "I was thinking that I could get used to seeing you like this." He told her before kissing her quickly and returning to Noah and the donuts.

It was easy for them to put the case out their minds once they got into their day. They went to the park and Olivia relaxed a little while she watched Noah and Rafael practice soccer. They found a shady spot under an out of the way tree to eat their lunch afterwards Noah fell asleep on the blanket. Rafael rested his back against the tree and pulled Olivia up against himself wrapping his arms around her as she settled between his legs.

"You ok with this?" Rafael asked her as he ran his fingers through her hair. Her response was to wrap an arm around his neck and pull his head down for a kiss. They both knew they needed to be cautious publicly but they spent so much time at work avoiding any physical contact it was hard to be cautious when they were off duty. They sat there and talked for a while until Rafael heard Olivia yawn.

"Close your eyes for a few minutes, it will be good for you." He encouraged her. She didn't protest and it was only a few minutes later when he felt her body relax and he listened to her slow soft breathing. He looked down at Noah peacefully sleeping on the blanket. He never knew he wanted days like this but he could not imagine his life without them now.

"I love you Liv." He whispered thinking she was asleep he was startled when she felt her shift slightly in his arms and her sleepy voice reply to him.

"I love you too Rafael."

They needed know other words or promises, neither of them doubted that the other meant it. What neither of them could imagine though was how those words would be tested over the next few days.

 _Monday_

Olivia fought back the tears in her eyes as she watched him walk away, confusion, hurt, and anger swirling inside her. It had been less than twenty four hours since this man had told her that he loved her now he was keeping a secret so big that he had to recuse himself from the case and telling her that it wasn't personal? How was this possible? He was the only person that knew the worst things that she had ever done and now he felt like he could not trust her. She didn't have time to figure this out right now, she had warrants to get.

Most of Monday was fruitless she went home that night no closer to having what she needed to arrest Willard than she had started the day with. The absence of Rafael from her evening left a heavy feeling over her. He wasn't always, there at night but there was usually a string of text back and forth between them, then he would always call her at nine o'clock after Noah was in bed so they could catch up. Tonight she waited but no phone call came, finally right as she was getting into bed she heard the ping of a text on her phone.

 _I'm sorry Liv, I love you_

With that she let the tears she had been fighting all say stream down her face. She had thought they were building a life together, she thought her future was with him but what kind of future can be built if there is not trust?

 _Tuesday_

Olivia looked across the table at Rafael tears pooling in both of their eyes. Her anger at him washing away as her heart broke at the secret and guilt that he had been keeping for all of these years. At how he had done his best to make it right and support this child after her mother died. His decision that day had changed his life forever it had added another layer to the mystery that was Rafael Barba. The man many would mistake for cold, unfeeling, and ruthless but Liv knew the truth. She had seen the weight he carried for the victims, the way he struggled to do things the right way when others would cross the line. He was at his core a man of honor living in a world where the honorable choice was never black and white.

She knew what he was asking when he asked, "Have we seen our last case together?" He wanted to know did they still have a future. Did she still love him and trust him with her son? Olivia stood up from the table and walked around to him offering her hand out to him.

"Come home with me Rafael." She instructed, smiling when she saw the briefest moment of relief flash in his eyes.

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They were surprised to find Noah still awake when they arrived back at her apartment. He had been waiting up for a hug from Mommy and was pleased to see Rafi as well.

"Let me get him to bed." She told Rafael who had already placed his coat the rack and was taking off his tie.

"Could I do it, please?" He asked Olivia a slight brokenness to his voice. Olivia nodded understandingly, knowing how many nights putting Noah to bed had saved her day.

Thirty minutes later he returned to the living room his face looking a little more at peace. He sat down on the couch next to Olivia and she did not hesitate to find her way into her arms.

"I was afraid that I was never going to get to do that again." He confessed

Olivia pulled back from his arms and looked at him placing a hand on the side of his face, "I love you Rafael Barba, with a love that I have never known before, but no more secrets. I cannot go through this again. We have to be a team that is the only way that this will work."

He placed his hand over top hers and looked into her eyes, "Olivia Benson, I realized over the last two days I could lose everything in my world and the only part I couldn't live without was you and Noah. No more secrets, I promise."

Olivia looked at him, if there was one thing she knew about this man that she loved was that he always kept his word. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against him kissing him in a way that she never had before. He responded with equal intensity, neither of them showing control or restraint. Oliva gasping when she felt Rafael's hand travel beneath he blouse and cup her breast over her bra for the first time. Rafael pulled back and looked into her eyes.

"Are we ready for this?" He asked her needing to make sure. "I'm not sure I could go back after this."

"I only want to go forward with you Rafael." She whispered before kissing him again.

It took every ounce of self-control he had left for Rafael not to make love to her right there on her living room couch but he knew given the four year old asleep in the next room that was not the best idea. He stood up and led her down the hall to her bedroom kissing and touching the entire way. By the time they made it to her room Rafael needed more of her. In one motion he had her shirt a bra off of her and he felt her stiffen slightly as he looked over her body. It was the first time he had seen the physical traces William Lewis had left behind. Sensing her discomfort he gently rubbed a finger across one of the scars just above her breast.

"You are so beautiful and I love every single part of you." He told her before brushing his lips over it and trailing kisses down her breast smiling when he felt her shudder. He moved them both to the bed as he took his time exploring her body. Teasing her with touches and kisses until she said in his name in a jagged whimper.

"Rafael"

He looked down into her eyes, "Yes Mi Amor?"

"Now" She begged

"Yes, Mi Amor" He replied kissing her as their bodies joined together.

They held each other close afterwards listening to each other's hearts. It was Olivia that spoke first.

"What happens next?" She asked.

Rafael kissed the top of her head, "We live our life together, if that means we still work together that's great, but if we can't we will manage that too. This, you, me, and Noah are more important than our jobs."

 _A Week Later_

They walked the couple of blocks from the courthouse after Willard's arraignment back to the District Attorney's office walking close enough to let their hands touch occasionally. Neither of them knew what would come of Rafael's meeting with the District Attorney especially once he told him of the change in his and Olivia's relationship. They had agreed that this relationship did not belong in the shadows, regardless of what it meant for their careers.

"I love this job, God I really do, but sometimes." He said the tears forming in his eyes again.

"Oh I know, I know." Olivia empathized, this job brought so much pain into their world, but it also had brought them together.

He nodded at her and turned to walk up the stairs, pausing briefly to look back at her, needing to draw just a little more strength from her. She placed her hand over her heart and he felt his resolve strengthen, as hard as this job was he knew that he was needed and he knew that as a team they were unstoppable.

The End


End file.
